he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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