apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
