Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
