sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
