Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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