theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
