I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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