My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize