the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
