there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
