We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize