Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
