I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
