Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
