that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
