I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
