i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize