Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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