My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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