The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
