Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
