dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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