I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
