so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize