Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
