I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
