I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
