why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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