If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
