The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
