i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He did a backflip because drugs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize