saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
