Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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