Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
