Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
