The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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