Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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