Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
