Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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