All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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