Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize