I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The adults are the big ones right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize