6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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