Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
