Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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