Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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