I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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