Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
