I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
