I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize