Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize