Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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