is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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