I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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