what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
