I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
