Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
