Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
