i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
