i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
