if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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