Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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