It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
