Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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