The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
