My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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