I want to walk on stilts...naked
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
