do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
