he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
