i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
