did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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