You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize