ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
either way he was missing a nipple.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
