my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
