C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my liver is dry heaving
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