***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize