I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think your dad took our porno
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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