I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
