Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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