had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
