I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
