I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
