take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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