Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk is a universal language darling
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
