im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
