Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
