shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize