A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Couch. On fire.
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