after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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