I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize