I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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