I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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