She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hippo gnu deer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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