I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
