I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
