I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
