I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I love you. Go after that dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
