the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
