I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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