Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
