my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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