So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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