we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
