dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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