WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
