Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
honey bunches of taint.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
