i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
