the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
