Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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