Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
