I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
