You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
