When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
